5 Tips For Better Co-Parenting Communication
Parenting is a challenge as it is, but co-parenting in two separate households can be its own beast. Everyone parents their children differently but trying to co-parent with someone who you may not always see eye-eye with can be very challenging. Most co-parents communicate via text or email since they do not see each other every day to be able to talk in person. These are a few tips we like to give to our clients whether they are in litigation or not.
- Three C’s: be clear, concise, and cooperative
Being clear and concise in your messages is extremely important. Written messages can be confusing. Take your time to think about 1) what the goal of your message is, and 2) what information you would like from your co-parent. Keeping the message brief and to the point can be very helpful to avoid miscommunication.
Also, be cooperative. It can be frustrating when one parent’s circumstances disrupts the other. However, try to put yourself in the other parent’s shoes. Inevitably, one day you will need that person to be cooperative with one of your requests and setting the precedent early can help eliminate future conflicts and make your child(ren)’s life much easier.
- Avoid criticism, blame, accusations, or threats.
Avoid criticizing, blaming, accusing or threatening the other parent. These actions will 1) never be productive in solving the problem at hand and 2) will reflect poorly on you in any future litigation. It is productive to focus all conversations on how the two of you as a team can solve the problem at hand. Regardless of how much you believe it is the other parent’s fault, tearing them down will not help the issue nor will it encourage them to cooperate in solving the problem.
- “I” statements, and child-focused conversations.
In concert with item #2 on this list, a good way to navigate co-parenting conversations is with “I” statements and to keep your message child focused no matter what. Instead of telling the other parent they messed something up, you should let them know you have a concern and want to discuss with them how to address it and/or propose your solution to it.
For example, instead of “You forgot Johnny’s guitar at home, now he can’t participate in his class tonight,” a better option would be to say something like “Johnny let me know he doesn’t have his guitar for class later. Do you have time to take it to him today before class? Otherwise, I would be happy to go get it from your house if there is a way for me to get in to pick it up.”
- Maintain a calm and respectful tone, especially during challenging discussions.
In all communications, tone is really important. In any relationship, how you speak to one another matters and will directly impact how capable of coming to a resolution you are. Additionally, managing your tone with show the other parent and/or the court that you are capable of putting your personal feelings aside for the sake of your child(ren).
- Utilize technology like shared calendars or co-parenting apps.
There are so many tools available to parents now to ease communication and avoid conflict. We highly encourage our clients to use these tools as our experience tells us that most of the time, the give co-parents great platforms and tools to streamline communication. We did a blog post about it on December 10, 2024 called “Do We Need a Co-Parenting Application?” Check it out and find out all the benefits of co-parenting apps.
