Navigating Co-Parenting Challenges Post-Divorce

You did it! You finally got your Judgment of Absolute Divorce. Your retirement accounts have been dealt with. You have a resolution related to the marital home. You or your spouse is paying child support on time each month. You even have a custody and access schedule that seems to be working well for your children.

But what happens months (or even years) after your divorce, when you and your former spouse, now your “Co-Parent,” begin having disputes about all the things that are NOT set forth in your Court Order? Maybe you think bedtime should be 9:00 p.m. and he or she thinks it should be 10 p.m. Maybe you think little Johnny wants to play lacrosse and your Co-Parent thinks he wants to play soccer. There are various helpful hints below to make sure you and your Co-Parent operate as effectively as possible:

Don’t assume the worst. Even parents who remain married sometimes have disputes about bedtimes and sports. If each dispute brings up a negative feeling that the Co-Parent is just trying to “get his/her way,” giving the other Co-Parent the benefit of the doubt, at least initially, will help keep the communication constructive. Remember they are no longer your spouse, but they are still your child’s other parent.
Try and figure it out. Our court system is simply not set up to deal with feuding Co-Parents every time they have a dispute, so to some extent, you are on your own. Don’t rely on “going back to court,” which can take months to effectuate.
Utilize third parties. Sometimes it can be helpful to seek the assistance of a third party. If there are numerous Co-Parenting disputes, you may want to schedule a mediation session with a neutral family law attorney who can help you find a solution to your differences. If you are even more committed to the process, you may wish to seek the assistance of a Parent Coordinator, as Parent Coordination is increasingly popular in Maryland custody cases. A Parent Coordinator could schedule multiple sessions not only to help you work through an existing dispute, but to create a protocol for handling future disputes.
Remember that each Co-Parent has autonomy. Perhaps you are correct about what bedtime is best for little Johnny, but that doesn’t mean that the Co-Parent cannot reasonably disagree and institute something different in his/her home. Having two households means you don’t get to micromanage the other parent.
Don’t be short sighted. Co-Parents have to exist together for the entirety of their children’s lives. Parenting doesn’t end when little Johnny turns 18 or graduates high school, and the relationship you create early on with your Co-Parent may have an impact on whether you can attend weddings, parties, or graduations together much later in life. Focus on your child first, not the Co-Parent.