Tips on How to Manage your Pending Divorce While Living in the Same Home

Recently, many states, including Maryland, have gravitated towards “no fault” grounds for divorce.  While there was a time when it was difficult, if not impossible to obtain a divorce when parties were still living together, that situation has become far more common now.  Doing so allows parties to save on incurring two sets of living expenses during a divorce, which, given high interest rates and cost of living, can be financially beneficial.  However, doing so may also present families with logistical hurdles.  Follow these tips to try and lower the stress of living together while going through a contested divorce:

• Make sure you maintain some level of privacy.  Throughout your divorce, you may need to print out various documents or have access to a private email account.  Make sure that you have your electronics locked so that your spouse cannot access them, and make sure anything you print is kept in a secure location.  It may be necessary to keep some things off site.  Also, make sure not to leave login information lying around.  Even spouses who are working cordially with one another may not be able to resist the urge to look at private information if given the opportunity to do so.
• Avoid any alcohol or recreational drug use while in the home.  You have to consider that when living in the same home during a divorce, you essentially have a private investigator (your spouse) who has the opportunity and ability to monitor your every move.  Do not create evidence that can be used against you.
• Try to avoid situations that can lead to allegations of domestic violence.  It is important to remember that many times “verbal abuse” is the catalyst for a claim of domestic violence.  Living together during a divorce can already be a volatile situation, and any simple dispute can be mischaracterized.  Your spouse may be looking for a way to get you to leave the home, and a protective order is often utilized as a mechanism to do so.  Accordingly, the best thing to do in a conflict is simply to walk away and leave the house prior to any escalation.
• See if you can come up with an internal schedule, even if it is informal, where each of you undertakes time with the children or responsibilities within the house.
• Lastly, show mutual respect.  Sometimes living in the same home during a divorce is a financial necessity for both parties.  While the process itself may be adversarial, both parties should have the ultimate goal of avoiding unnecessary litigation and attorney’s fees.